Change Your Mind, Part 4

How do you know when to change your mind about a person, and when not to? And how do you know when to make an effort to change someone else's mind about you, and when not to?

Well, it's not easy trying to neatly tie up the ramblings of the past three days. Let me take on each question, with the proviso that you--the reader--know I'm talking about you just as pointedly as I'm using pronouns that refer to me.

One thing that has occurred to me as I review the stories I've told in this series, is that they could all be false. Seriously. How do you know I perceived people correctly? How do you know I had all the information to describe them--or even myself--accurately? How do you know I didn't miss big blocks of things in their lives, even with those people that I know the best, that would bring a completely different understanding of who they are and their behaviors? Do we ever have the right to assess others or ourselves, as if we were God, and consider our perceptions to be correct?

I think the way Jesus would do things, assuming He couldn't read people's minds, would be to withhold judgment until connection to another person was no longer possible (i.e. death). He seemed to stay connected with people in His day who had done even the most heinous things. He spoke with prostitutes. He invited cheats and thieves to come along with Him. He counted violent Zealots among his inner circle. I get the feeling that some pimps and abusers hung around him as well, not just the victims. Jesus seemed to assume that even within the most repulsive, annoying or insufferable person, there beat a heart that was worth something truly great.

If I profess to be His follower, can I not do the same and seek to identify the tender heart under the most maddening of exteriors, the most offensive of behaviors? I'd like to hope that I'm getting better at that as I age.

And how do I know when to attempt to change someone else's mind from a negative opinion about me, and when not to?

Again, imagine what Jesus might do. In the gospels we don't see Him trying to explain Himself or to curry favor with anyone who thought badly of Him. He was just Himself in all situations, and none of Himself seemed to be focused on improving or maintaining image, reputation or popularity. He was Himself even when He knew His purpose and focus would get on other people's nerves or make them angry. He was busy being about something quite a lot larger than getting along amiably with everyone else.

Of course, He was perfect and I am not, so while He didn't earn the anger that came back His way, I probably get on people's nerves quite justifiably from time to time. Still, that doesn't change the principle. If I profess to be His follower, should I not focus on what is important--doing justice, loving mercy and walking humbly--rather than on worrying over any negative perceptions someone might have generated about me? Aren't there far more important efforts to be made on my part for larger purposes than changing one or two people's minds?

So perhaps my conclusion is this: to maintain an open mind--commit to viewing all others with positive regard and without judgment--as long as possible. That way your beliefs and resulting actions towards others need not change a whit as new information emerges. You always assume there is more to know about them, and that it wouldn't necessarily look like what you currently see.

And on the receiving end, it seems best to let others deal with their own mind-changing about you while you stick to the themes that are truly meaningful in life. You only have one short life to live. Live it as a sturdy character. Let your energies be spent toward far more valuable things than trying to get a few family members, classmates, coworkers, or observers to change their perceptions of you.

And with that, I think I'm done.