The Why

Antelope Canyon, Arizona
Copyright GKW, 2016, all rights reserved

So, why did I begin blogging? This is the question posed for my newly (re)formed group of bloggers this week, nicknamed the Comeback Bloggers because we have decided to rise from the ashes of dying and deceased blogs that were once lively. And question #2: why did I stop blogging? I can't write about the first question without also asking the second one.

I started blogging because I'd signed up to work with a writing coach by the name of Karen O'Connor through the Christian Writers' Guild, and organization founded by "Left Behind" series author Jerry B. Jenkins, whose books I've never read. Karen was assigned as my writing mentor, and she had just urged me to hone my craft by blogging.

I had books in me. I still do. We can discuss them sometime if you like. I have always loved to write. Life has dished up plenty to write about, the only change being that over time I went from wanting to write fiction-based-on-life to writing nonfiction. But I wanted to do it well, and I knew I needed to practice. And I needed to network. Thus the writers' guild.

My first post, "Hair," produced no commenters. It still has never gotten a comment, as the blog is hidden--a casualty of being told later on by my brother that perhaps I was a bit too transparent as a senior university administrator who sometimes wrote about my work. But then my coach Karen commented on a few of my first posts. And then a guy named "MaximumBob" dropped and and said, "I learned something today. Thank you." And by the end of January someone named Michele had commented empathetically a couple of times. And with that feedback, I was hooked.

I wrote. People read it. They would talk to me about what I wrote. Could my writing life get any better?

What was initially an exercise for a wannabe published writer became a nearly daily exercise in saying things, getting feedback, and best of all, finding out what was in my head. This is no small thing. I found out there was wisdom inside that head, coming from somewhere deep down. I would reread, shake my head and wonder where that came from. This is not a pride thing; it's a self-discovery thing. I found out that I have a way of expressing myself, a style that I like. This too is a gift. How many of us struggle to like ourselves? Yet I discovered that I truly like myself, in writing. That's where I say things that are important, things that are thoughtful, that are reflective and true for me.

My life is deeper and more satisfying when I blog. Life provides fodder for blogging, and blogging provides fodder for life. Many times what I write makes its way into my speaking appointments, into my teaching, and into my conversations.

So why did I stop, back about 5 years ago, with only sporadic posts since then? I think it was a combination of things: joining Facebook a few years before; feeling ever more burdened and burned out in my previous job; feeling muzzled when I realized that I couldn't write freely about work; unable to openly discuss a completely unforeseen fracture that had taken place in my family; seeing some of my best blog friends become more vocal about turning away from faith while I still loved my own faith, and thus felt like I was writing for an audience that might not be inclined to understand; and stinging at times from watching some of my readers/commenters drift away because (by my perception) they found my writing irritating or irrelevant. I can do no other than honestly say what I think, but I also cringe in face of criticism or rejection. Life has been a journey of slow realization that I must be me "in spite of," rather than to please and obtain approval. I'm doing better, but I'm not fixed yet.

So why am I back? Because Jayne said so--dear sweet Jayne, my blog friend whom I've now met twice in person, and who is one of those open-hearted people who loves her friends unconditionally.  Combine Jayne's call to blog again with the fact that the siren song of blogging had crossed my mind a time or two in the last week, and I'm back. Me, my pictures, my thoughts, and the renewed anticipation of a circle of writer friends, old and new, who will read and respond, encourage, test, inspire and incite.

I believe in resurrection.