During the seminar, our instructor asked us to come back the next day prepared to share what makes us just go crazy. Makes us so furious that we'd lose it, either figuratively or literally. Something that would have us seeing red and could interrupt our ability to work with a client.
It didn't take me long to identify my hot button. I can survive a variety of ugly behaviors in my classroom, in my family, in my acquaintances, and in my job. People attack, people hold grudges, people label, people criticize, people self-serve at the expense of others, people disengage rather than working through an issue, people mistreat. None of these are easy. But one thing that is guaranteed to make me crazy--although not screaming, object-throwing crazy--is lying.
Thinking about it the other night, I tried to pin down why I get so angry when someone lies. Was some great wrong done to me as a child in which someone lied? I can't remember any. Did a close friend betray me by lying? Acquaintances, yes. Close friend, no. Did I ever fall in love with someone who lied to me? No.
But I do remember instances when I've felt horribly upset about someone lying. For example, after I moved on from my vice principal job in southern California, my former colleague told me that the young man who was cleaning the school office had gone in and messed with the records on my desk. He was in my class, he was friendly with me around the school, I liked him greatly after having him in my class for most of the six years I taught there ... and at the same time he was pulling and destroying referral slips for himself and his friends so that they wouldn't get in trouble. I felt angry and betrayed, finding out about it.
That one was significant. But for some reason, it goes to extremes with me. Even having someone say to me on the phone, "I'm calling from across town" as a prank just as they ring the doorbell, makes me crazy. Don't lie to me. Don't.
I think it boils down to this for me: I want to know that the earth will not shift underneath my feet. Do me the favor of always being truthful with me, and I will trust you. No matter what comes up between us, I must know that you are telling the truth to the very best of your ability. We can work through it together if we have at least enough goodwill to be honest with one another. If not, well, we have nothing to discuss, because discussion is a sham when it's based on false pretenses.
Is there something that makes you crazy, the thing you can't stand, more than anything else? Care to share?
P.S. Here is a fascinating blog on the topic of lying that I follow. "Eyes" endeavors to educate her blog readers about how to spot that someone is lying.
The lack of trust that comes from lying is a big hotspot for me too. I get irritated by exaggeration and deceit, even though I am not immune from it myself. I learned young that lying could keep me from punishment and I did it well. Now I hate it in myself and others.
ReplyDeleteI'm a truthful sort of guy myself, but I guess that some people are just habitual liars. But I would classify that "phoning across town thing" as teasing. I have been known to tease, but one has to be careful as teasing can be hurtful.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes me crazy? People who won't "own" their part in things. People who are habitually late and can't understand "the fuss." People who will argue the whole day long and never acknowledge their own actions played a part in the strife. Life is simply all about them, and there is no room to admit any fault. Grrrrrr.....
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