Complimented

I hope you can remember the compliments in your life. I am blessed to remember quite a few that have been granted to me:

“Suay!” (“Pretty!” in Thai) 

~From strangers when I was a little pre-school kid growing up in Thailand, typically said as they pinched my cheeks.

“You have such poise in the classroom!” 

~From my regional supervisor, during my first year of teaching.

“Ginger, you’re an angel.” 

~My co-teacher for the sixth grade, after I created a bulletin board for his room, reducing his long to-do list by one line.

“If you have water, she will walk on it.”

~From my dissertation committee chair, recommending me for my first college teaching job.

“You’re, like, a peacemaker!”

~One of my college students in northern California.

“You’re a sturdy woman.”

“You have a good head on your shoulders and a heart to match.”

“You’re beautiful, and I love you.” 

~Just a sampling of the many from my husband.

“Miss K is my hero.”

~One of my former 3rd graders on her MySpace page.

“She cares, she shares…”

~One of my students in his class evaluation comments about me last term.

“If you only knew how fondly you were thought of, you would have yourself carried around in a silken tent upon the shoulders of very strong trustworthy men (now where you are going to find them is the next area for discussion).”

~My friend Annie, in a message on Facebook the other day.

Everyone appreciates being complimented. It’s like toasty sunshine on the face after winter. It’s like having an itch scratched on your back when you’re in bed at the end of a long day. It’s like a smooth, sweet swallow of cocoa while sitting in front of a fire on a cold autumn evening. It’s like the warm, pleased smile on the face of God while looking upon your heart.

I like to believe that everyone gives some occasion, be it who they are or what they do, that is worth a compliment. I don’t think we look for that occasion as consistently as we should. If we were to love one another as we are loved, we would affirm each other much, much more often.

Most of my friends are very well educated. If you’ve been educated through college, and even more through graduate school, you’ve been taught to be a critical thinker. While “critical thinker” usually means a “smart, discerning thinker,” I also have seen—especially with some of those who teach critical thinking--that it means just plain “critical.” Judgmental. Analytical in ways that point out the flaws. Persnickety. And fault-finding, persnickety people do not hand out compliments easily.

I’m sad about that. If we could put together the analytical thinking with a heart of kindness and gentleness, our compliments would be absolutely amazing. None of this bland or meaningless stuff like, “I like the way you are sitting and building with your blocks at work time,” or “Keep up the good work.” A really good compliment is going to be specific, sincere and personalized. A really good compliment is going to point out something the person does or is, that goes above and beyond what you normally expect. If you can use vivid words that paint a picture (like deserving to be carried around in a silken tent on the shoulders of strong men, for example), you should do so. Unusual and vivid word pictures—poise, walking on water, angel, sturdy—make it more likely that the person you are gifting with a compliment will remember it in a time when they need a smile or a pat on the back.

My goal, having been blessed by Annie’s compliment this week, is to dish out more compliments of that caliber.

So do you care to share with me: what are some memorable compliments you have received?