Mattering

Photo found on the internet

The remnant of Jacob will be in the midst of many peoples

like dew from the Lord, like showers on the grass,

which do not wait for anyone or depend on man.

Micah 5:7

People want to matter. And I mean that in two ways: having value to others, and continuing on into the future in some kind of three-dimensional existence. They don't want to be like the dew that appears and then evaporates.

The best way to consider this thesis, I believe, is to consider the implications if it's untrue.  What would happen if we don't matter?

Can a person live with any degree of satisfaction if they don't have value to others except as another living, moving human in the world? Can you move through your days interacting, eating, sleeping, working, and be cared for only by yourself, and caring only for yourself? I suppose you can do it for some time, but I think there's a wish for more.

We want someone to value our existence, and to miss it when it's gone. We want another person to feel some kind of need for our presence, to feel that their world is a better place because we are here. If I didn't matter to someone else, wouldn't my life lose a level of complexity and meaning that would place me more at the level of an animal?  I think most people want to attain something more than that in their lives. I believe that, deep down, many of us can't philosophically sign on to the concept that we are just another form of evolved life. We live as though we are something more. We matter more, in all kinds of ways.

Another way in which I use the word "matter" refers to substance, what we are made of in flesh, blood and bone. As people get older, they want to pass on some tangible substance of themselves to the future. Often that is through the production of children, but it is more than that. It's in one's substance plus the embodiment of personality and values in that substance. We want to be present in this world, in some personally identifiable form, after our flesh and blood and bone are gone. We want our matter to continue.

I don't think that every single person on the face of this earth necessarily cares about this, but I believe that those who don't care are few.

I used to think that, as an unmarried, childless woman, there wasn't much chance of passing on my matter. I would not have children of my own; no DNA of mine would continue into the future. In some ways that is a sad thing. I had resigned myself to passing on my spirit instead of my DNA, doing that through my work as a teacher and mentor. I found myself amused, intrigued and deeply satisfied when I would see a student pick up one of my phrases or mannerisms and make it their own. They would return to share with me, unwittingly, some way in which they were embodying what I value and passing it on to the next generation.  I was not just "dew on the grass," as the prophet Micah describes people who are here and then gone. I could continue in some manner of flesh, blood and bone into the future.  This is deeply meaningful.

We do not want to end. We don't want to evaporate in the heat of the sun. We want to matter...into the future.

The landscape of life has changed since I was unmarried with no children in my family of origin. Children have now appeared in that family, displaying a connection to my own DNA in visible ways. It is odd and rather shocking to look into little faces and see myself there, even though they are not my own children. I see in them my matter, in the sense of "matter" as a noun.  But for several reasons they are out of reach of my interaction, influence and presence. So I don't know if any of what matters to me will reach them.

Instead, I matter in other ways, ways that have been unexpected and deeply meaningful. I have stepdaughters who each display bits of me, who remember and retell some of the stories and beliefs they have picked up from me. I know they will pass parts of me on to their children along with their parents' DNA. My grandchildren will use some of my vocabulary and phrases. They will value some of the things that I hold dear. My girls have given me such a gift. I can't express how satisfying and endearing that is to me, that they have chosen to make me matter.

I matter. Would that every person could be so blessed.