Sixth Grade Girl Games, Part 1

Sixth grade girls, photo found on the internet and adapted

At one point in my career, I taught sixth graders. After the first year--during which my co-teacher and I survived by the skin of our teeth due to our group being just "one of those legendary classes" that comes along in a teacher's life--I really enjoyed it. Sixth graders, in my experience, typically cross that cusp between childhood and adolescence right at Christmas. I waved at the children as they left for Christmas each year, and welcomed back hormonal, distracted early adolescents returning to school after New Year's Day. The change is fascinating. Once I figured out what was going on, I loved it.

It was during those years that I developed the label, "sixth grade girl games." The phenomenon can actually begin at about the fourth grade, but its reality is often in full bloom by sixth grade. There are intriguing characteristics that go with the term as I use it. Let me describe them to you.

Sixth grade girls are always seeking validation, but in subtle ways. They are looking for friends, and they count those friends carefully. Do they have three? Four? Five? And are they a group? A sixth grade girl group has to stick together like glue and always be loyal. The group must spend recess together, be invited to each other's birthday celebrations, and get together outside of school. Their identity is in their dynamics and how tightly their bonds are woven between one another.

A sixth grade girl, as part of her self-validating drive, has to act a certain way. Giggles and fun are de rigueur, and everyone is seeking the next exciting moment in life for the group to live through together. Moodiness is only acceptable if the whole group gets moody together. Otherwise, the moody one is likely to be shunned by her friends in some way, and pushed to the margins of the group.

One can test the waters of moodiness in interesting ways in the sixth grade girl world. For example, Mia makes some comment that indicates, subtly or otherwise, that she's sad and trying to keep her chin up. Suddenly all the sixth grade girls are gathered around, ministering to her and trying to find out what's wrong, trying to cheer her up, telling her in some way that she's loved. Mia gets validated and may try the trick again, since it's satisfying. There are some sixth grade girls, though, who can't make this work for themselves. Something in the way that they solicit the validation actually turns the group off. I haven't quite figured out what this is, but popularity and social capital have something to do with whether a sixth grade girl's moodiness is magnetic or repellent.

In addition, the sixth grade girl has a dress code that brings her into line with her group. The specifics of that dress code depend on whatever the girls perceive to be "in" at the time, but it's clearly communicated to one another as they egg each other on.  It could be headbands, or wearing plaids, or a certain kind of shoe, or a woven bracelet of some sort. The point is to take at least small measures to visually match the group.

If a friend builds a new friendship that takes her away, the sixth grade girl feels like she's been abandoned. In response she may grieve or complain, rally her little friends to ostracize the girl who has been disloyal, or retaliate by leaving the disloyal one out of her life or her group's life. In the sixth grade girl's life, friendship groups are not allowed to be fluid.

Sixth grade girls, despite their loyalties to one another, often create drama within their groups. Abigail has some little crisis, and whoosh! The group is huddled together sighing and cooing and telling her that "isn't this awful" and "you'll be okay."  Olivia says something and Emma gets upset, and then Madison starts running back and forth between the two of them, conveying messages and either (depending on her skill) serving as the peacemaker or exacerbating the drama. Chloe likes a boy in the class, and the others gather 'round and egg her on to say something to him either personally or in writing, and interpret for her his responses.

There are probably more characteristics to describe sixth grade girl games, but this is a start. The sixth grade girl world is a world of its own. Well, maybe not solely of its own.  I'll talk more about that in the next post.