Showers

Cartoon found on the web

I first heard of showers back around the age of 9 or 10. It's not that I never took a shower before then; I mean a "shower" as in "wedding shower" or "baby shower."

I remember the occasion clearly. We were visiting the United States and one of my relatives said that we were going to attend a shower. I picked up in the adults' discussion that only women were invited to this shower. The only showers I knew of were the ones in our home that we used for bathing, and "Showers of Blessing" that we sang about from the hymnal. So I seriously thought that this was some as-yet-not-experienced American custom in which we were going to all get together in some room with a whole bunch of shower heads, and take a shower together.

I recall my embarrassment and relief upon learning that the shower we were attending was a party. It wasn't much fun, as I recall. I didn't know what was going to happen there, and at one point an American girl at the party leaned over and said to me, "Ginger, in America we sit with our knees together." I knew I had unwittingly transgressed culture yet again. I felt I had failed as a girl among other girls.

Showers popped up again in my life as I neared the end of college, and continued through my young adult years as friends got married and had babies. Let me be clear: I did not like them. It seemed to me that wedding showers were simply ways to wring more gifts out of people who were already stretching for enough money to afford a wedding gift from the registry (have you noticed those prices?!). Furthermore, I was thoroughly embarrassed by the suggestive comments and gifts that showed up at some of the wedding showers I attended. I learned about things I didn't want to know about. I started avoiding the events, if I could. But if your very good friend is getting married, it is difficult to ignore their wedding shower.

I must be a party-pooper, one that borders on obnoxious at that. I don't enjoy coos and squeals. I don't get a kick out of wrapping someone up in a toilet paper "wedding dress." (It's a waste of toilet paper.) I don't enjoy the game where you have one minute to look at a collection of items and then compete to see who can write down the most items from short-term memory. It's annoying to play little trivia games. I think that most rooms look kind of tacky when people attempt to dress them in crepe paper strands and a cake and mints in the corner.

I realize that I'll never be invited to a wedding shower again after my friends read this. And that's okay. Did I mention that I don't like them? Anyhow, nearly all my friends were married long before I got married. And when I got married, my colleagues threw me a shower where everyone contributed to one set of luggage. That made me blissfully happy, and even more so because the other part of it was for people to drop by during lunch and write marriage advice in a book. No games, fun chats in passing, just a come-and go time at the college where I worked. It could not have been a better shower. I have gone back to my advice book and read the handwritten notes there and smiled and loved the people. My friends took care of me with that one!

Now, baby showers? That's a little different story. A new mom needs both stuff and reassurance from other women. My own mom tells me she didn't have a shower until just before I was born, because she was a doctor and knew all the things that could go wrong and fretted about my safe arrival. She had gotten hardly any baby things, in case she lost me. The other missionary women at the hospital finally sat her down and gave her a shower when she was nigh unto popping, making a "Girl, you've got to get with the program!" statement. 

I see the sense in a baby shower. I'm happy to contribute to the clothes-and-diapers effort. I would rather not do the little games, the crepe paper, or the awkward sitting around for an hour or two. But the showering part I get. At the last one I gave "diaper dollars"--those costs can add up shockingly for new parents--and a mug with a tea sampler box so Mom would be reminded to take some quiet moments for self-care. Who knows if that was good or not. Having not had children myself, I have to guess.

In the end, I recognize we're all different. Some like the squeals and coos, the foo-foo stuff and games. The fact that I don't doesn't make me less womanly. And I guess that's my point in this post: Showers are a cultural tradition. If you're not into them, that's okay too.