Ultimatums, Part 2

As I get into further ruminations about ultimatums, it's probably appropriate to stop and define an ultimatum.  Wikipedia says an ultimatum (from the Latin word meaning "the last one") "is a demand whose fulfillment is requested in a specified period of time and which is backed up by a threat to be followed through in case of noncompliance."  The description goes on to note that "the request is understood to not be open to further negotiation."

It sounds rigid and stern, doesn't it?  Well, an ultimatum is. When an ultimatum is given, it's the person giving it who is in control, fully and completely. Sure, you can say that the person on the receiving end has a choice: they can decide to respond and pony-up to meet the ultimatum, or they can decide not to. But that's a cop-out. They're still at the mercy of the individual giving the ultimatum.

When I was a little missionary kid girl living on a island in Thailand, getting a piece of chewing gum was a real treat.  There were not many imports to the shops on our island, but there was at least one shop that sold Chiclets chewing gum.  And on occasion my mom would guide our VW bus down the streets to that shop and buy a package as a treat.

I remember the day that my mother picked up one of those yellow packets of Chiclets, handed the packet to me in the seat behind her, and said, "You can each have one. Just one piece."  My memory has changed the story over time, I'm sure, but with time I recall the message being, "If you eat more than one piece,  you get a spanking."

Well, you know how Chiclets are. You chew them a little bit, and they shrink. Plus that nice crunchy sugary outside disintegrates with the chewing, and you really want to add one more to the glob, refreshing the sweetness and crunchiness. One Chiclet just cries out for another one to join it.  Before I knew it, I must have had half the packet of gum in my mouth, a nice satisfying wad that had produced new bursts of texture and sugary goodness with each added piece of gum.

When we drove into the carport at home, Mama asked for the package of Chiclets back. As soon as she saw it, she knew what I knew: it was time to carry out the threat that had been given with the initial instruction. And she did.

Sometimes, ultimatums are instructive. You choose the path that leads to the result that has been threatened, and what you were warned about, happens.  Unlike natural consequences (e.g. you touch the hot stove and you'll get burned), an instructive ultimatum delivers a threat that is concocted and then applied if and when the person at the receiving end of the ultimatum makes the "wrong" choice. And as any parent knows, that can be a fairly effective teaching tool.

(to be continued)