Fruitful Contemplations: Gentleness

Speaking of gentleness, papaya has probably one of the gentler tropical fruit flavors I can think of. Typically I prefer it with some lime juice added to "liven it up."

"The fruit of the Spirit is ... gentleness."  Gal. 5:22-23

I'm sorry to report that I do not possess a gentle spirit. My life and thoughts have proven this to me time and time again as I make this one-time journey on this earth. I suppose if you put the best spin on it, it's because I live life like a speeding train always on my way to somewhere, and don't anyone get in my way. I have places to go, things to do, objectives to accomplish, and let's get on with it, chop chop.

Were I the parent of small children, it would not be good to give me the "tough love" option in dealing with my kids; instead, I would need the reminder to slow down, listen more, and try to understand.  These are things I've had to say to myself over and over as a teacher and as a leader. I am by nature impatient and goal-directed (I should hasten to say that there is an up-side to these qualities), and that does not lend itself well to fostering gentleness.

Upon reflection, I recognize that there exists in me a sneaking suspicion that people won't hear me if I don't use rather direct or forceful language in persuasion. Where I picked that up, I don't know. Perhaps it was because someone in my life heard me but chose to ignore me. Perhaps it was because of frustration over not getting what I wanted and what I thought was due to me, until I toughened up my approach.  Perhaps it was because I have gotten a reaction whenever I've been more direct, whether it be attention, response or laughter.

We all use the clues given by those around us to gauge if we're being heard or not, and adjust our communications accordingly. And once we find something that works, it tends to settle in as a habit.

I remember an incident in my second year of teaching, when I was teaching 5th - 8th graders P.E. class in a small 2-room rural school. Seventh-grader Jason was horsing around on the volleyball court, being a doofus. I'd told him to stop and get with the game, but he continued. His classmates were getting annoyed, and telling him to "Quit it!" He still kept joshing around, slapping the ball away from people and making a huge pest of himself.  I told him again, and he didn't quit.

I had reached the end of my gentleness tether. I walked over to Jason, grabbed him by the arm and twisted it behind his back until it hurt, and marched him off the court, telling him to "SIDDOWN!!!"

Then I saw that he was crying from the surprise and pain, and suddenly I recognized what I had done. Worse yet, a fifth grader who was Jason's friend called out as he went to Jason's side, "Teacher, you abused Jason!"

I was horrified. All in that one second I realized the wrong I had done, and the fact that at least the fifth grader, if not the entire class, would never forget that moment and would hold it against me. I apologized to Jason and apologized to the class.

I got the students back into the game, and as soon as the class period was done I sought out the head teacher and told him what had happened. I expected Jason's parents, if not the school board, to come down hard on me. And I would have deserved it.  But nothing happened, and no parent ever spoke of it to me.

The fifth grader and Jason, however, distrusted me for the rest of my time working at that school. Quite understandably so. I have always regretted the incident, as well as a few others in my life in which gentleness was completely absent.

And I suspect there are many who could name their own lapses in the exercise of gentleness, whether physical, verbal, or emotional.

In considering gentleness as a fruit of living in the Spirit, I think the issue lies with our vision.  How do we see others around us?  Have we been sensitive enough to the Spirit to have our eyes opened to the fragility and humanity of others?  To carry it even further, have we accepted God's view of us, which is perfect in its gentleness?

I'm not recommending a view of people that is namby-pamby. God makes it clear that there is accountability and there is judgment. But I truly believe that as we see through Spirit-corrected vision, we will see others in a gentler light, and our own actions and thoughts towards them will become accordingly less harsh. We'll not only be physically gentle with others, but we'll back off of emotional arm-twisting, issuing ultimatums, telling one another off, holier-than-thou admonitions, and critical statements and zingers that cut people off at the knees.

If we bore the fruit of gentleness, there would be a lot less pain in this world. And it would be mighty nice to live in a world like that.