Grudges, Part II: The Biblical Stuff

In recent years I have been struck by how many people around me hold grudges, and by how much damage is done by that death-grip on a sense of offense. So I've been learning what I can about grudge-holding, and have become ever more intrigued by what I've discovered so far.

I often go to the Bible, which is a touchstone for me in understanding human beings and how they work. I was interested to find that the Bible mentions grudges five times, and in none of those places is a grudge a good thing. You'll have to be biblically literate to follow my brief summary of these stories, but if you're not, I suggest you get acquainted with them. Bible stories are alluded to all the time in society, they provide the seed narratives for movies and books, and they have shaped western culture, so it seems wise for people to be acquainted with them.

The first biblical mention of grudge-holding takes place in Genesis 27 just after Jacob steals his brother Esau's birthright blessing. The brothers' father, Isaac, is old, blind and infirm, so although the twins are as different as night and day, Jacob is able to dupe his father into thinking he is the older twin, and gets his father to bestow his patriarchal blessing on the "wrong" son. Esau comes in to receive his blessing and finds that the words have already been said over his brother. Culturally, the deed is done.

The bible says (Gen. 27:41): So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob."

Clearly Esau's grudge not only led him to plot his brother's death, but it also revealed a cold-hearted calculation in estimating the time to his father's death so that he could exact revenge on his twin.

***

The second biblical mention of grudge-holding is in connection with the sons of Jacob, just one generation later. The brothers of Joseph, the next-to-youngest son of Jacob, pulled a dirty trick by selling Joseph into slavery. Problem was, he turned up again as the powerful second-in-command of Egypt, and first-in-command of the food they needed to buy from Egypt during a terrible drought. Joseph took the high road, forgiving his brothers and resettling his whole family nearby so that he could make sure they were provided for.

But memories are long, and shame runs deep. When his father died, the brothers were worried.

When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, "What if Joseph bears a grudge against us and pays back in full for all the wrong which we did to him!" (Gen. 50:15)

Joseph didn't.

***

Grudges show up again later, in the "sundry laws" (I love that term--a mishmash of guidance to pay attention to) that God gave Moses to guide the lives of the children of Israel. Here is the instruction from Leviticus 19:17-18:

You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor; but shall not incur sin because of him.  You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.

Seems pretty clear to me.

***

Now we come to David, the second king of Israel. This man spent much of his youth hiding out in the mountains from the first king, Saul, who was out to kill him. Later he fled from his own son Absalom, who had designs on the throne and would have killed his own father to get it. 

David was a lyricist, and we see much of what he was trying to work through emotionally, in the songs that he wrote. In Psalm 55:1-3 we get a window into his fear of Saul:

Give ear to my prayer, O God,

And do not hide yourself from my supplication.

Give heed to me and answer me;

I am restless in my complaint and surely distracted

Because of the voice of the enemy,

Because of the pressure of the wicked;

For they bring down trouble upon me

And in anger they bear a grudge against me.

It's no fun to be on the receiving end of a grudge, and David has not been the last to call on God for help in such a situation.

***

The final mention of a grudge in the Bible drives a famous story: the beheading of John the Baptist. This wild prophet from the wilderness had called out king Herod for stealing his brother's wife. Herod was interested in what this prophet had to say, but his wife Herodias was deeply offended.

Herodias had a grudge against him and wanted to put him to death and could not do so; for Herod was afraid of John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he kept him safe. And when he heard him, he was very perplexed; but he used to enjoy listening to him. (Mark 6:19-20)

It did not end well for John. It often does not end well when someone in power holds a grudge against you.

(to be continued)