Who is Nigel Hawley?

With my dad, recently

Truth be told, I have been trying all my life to get my dad's recognition and affirmation.

Before you conclude that I'm some blithering wreck of a daughter, let me assure you that by the time I figured this out I had differentiated from my dad enough that it was simply a "situation," not an ever-present wound. There has only been one situation in my adult life when it was really painful to not be able to gain my dad's verbal affirmation, and it is what it is. My dad simply does not grant me recognition when I do well, and that's more about him than it is about me. Nowadays it's just interesting or even amusing when it happens. He loves me dearly, but he has passed up some good opportunities to bond.

So a couple of days ago I was visiting my parents and said to my dad, "You know, dads like opportunities to brag on their kids, so let me give you some good bragging fodder."

"Oh yes?" he said. I saw the glint of interest in his eye. He was pretty perky that day, not at all fuzzy, and ready for stimulating conversation.

"I got an e-mail from one of our students," I said. "You don't know her. She's a teacher in Taiwan. She works with Nigel Hawley, who I met again when I was working at the booth in Texas." I had been at a large church conference, taking my shifts at our university's booth. Nigel had walked in and we had some initial discussion about the university providing professional development for his teachers in Taiwan.

"Who's Nigel Hawley?" my dad asked.

"A principal of an American school in Taiwan," I said. "You don't know him."

"Hawley, Hawley," said Daddy, rolling over the name and trying to make a connection.

"Never mind!!!" I exclaimed. "You don't know him. So let me read you what our student wrote to me. You can brag on this stuff, you know."

"What's his name? Where is he from? Do we know him?" my dad queried again.

"Nigel Hawley. You have never met him and he's not related to anyone we know. He's probably 30 years old. Let me see, ..." I fished around on my e-mail and then read him the line from our student's e-mail: "Oh yes, here it is. 'Nigel Hawley tells me that he met you at the GC session. He also said that he wishes he had a brain like yours, and I must say that he said that with more than just a touch of envy.'"

I looked up at my dad in triumph. There you go, Daddy. You sprouted a daughter who impressed a young principal with her great brain. Come on, show some pride.

There was a pause.

"Nigel Hawley," said my dad. "Now who is Nigel Hawley?"