Fat, Part 3

Freshman year in college, Fall 1980

[This is the third part of my "Fat" series, begun here and continued here. I'm writing this series to work through some thoughts, so skip it if this isn't your thing.]

The summer before my freshman year in college--I had decided to attend my father's alma mater in eastern Washington state--we spent the summer in Europe. We did a lot of walking while there, and I lost another 20 pounds from when I had graduated from high school. I remember buying slim grey pants at a store in Austria, and thinking that they were exorbitantly expensive, but being proud that I fit into them.

When we got back home to Malaysia, I packed up my things in the two weeks I had at home, donned my custom-made brown suit--we dressed up to fly somewhere on an airplane in those days--and boarded the plane for the United States. I had a rock in the pit of my stomach, not knowing if I would see home again. You never knew, back in those days. I guess you still don't.

Sorry for the glaze; this is a picture of a photo in my old albums, covered by protective film .

The first year of college was exciting, and was an adjustment. During that year I made friends with the Rose boys, who had also grown up as missionary kids during their childhood in South America. They felt like my tribe. Steve, on the left, has remained a best friend of mine to this day.

The guys came to the little podunk airport near our college to see me off at the end of my freshman year. I was indeed getting to head back home to Malaysia for the summer, and was happy to be doing so. I'd missed my family sorely. As you can see, I had put on more than the "freshman fifteen" during my first year of college. I had not managed the cafeteria well, and no one had forewarned me that this could be a challenge. I never heard the term "freshman fifteen" until I was back in higher education, working as a professor.

And so I had to go at it again, the summer after my freshman year. My brother and I drove--yes, drove; he had gotten his driver's permit--to the swimming club every day and I swam laps and watched what I ate, working that 20 pounds off again. And so it went through college. A bit up, a bit down, but generally under control. Working at camp in the summers and being required by the camp director to exercise daily, helped.

Ginger and Case with Mephistopheles

This picture was taken during my junior year in college, when my brother and I were sharing our first little car, a used Civic. We named it Mephistopheles after the character in our Freshman Honors readings. Meph took us many places and lasted a surprisingly long time, long after his heating and cooling system gave up and we sweated our way back and forth on the drive from college to home. My parents had moved back during my sophomore year and settled a one-hour drive from us, in a fairly nondescript city by the Columbia River.

Again, it's surprising to me to look at my old pictures and see that I was doing pretty well, size-wise. Until putting together this series, I had not realized that. What was my picture of what I should be back then, anyway? Something unrealistic? Unattainable? Was I a size 12 girl trying to be a size 8? It's incredible to think that some girls my height think both of those sizes are too large, now.

On college graduation day

I graduated in 1985--having taken off a year off to live and work in Finland after my junior year--and headed off to my first teaching job in a two-room church school on the Oregon coast. I taught grades 1-4 in one room, eighteen students, and breathed a sigh of relief when my first graders actually learned to read. 

By now my weight was staying pretty steady, higher than I thought it should be, but not in a very unhealthy place. 

After getting two years of teaching experience, I thought it was time to head to graduate school. So I moved to California to get my masters degree in Administration and Leadership. I had no interest in being a school administrator; I wanted the degree as a tool for the future, and it was the default specialization. I wasn't interested in either of the other two areas of specialization--Curriculum or School Psychology. I had no clue, back then, that my default specialization would open every career door for me after that.

Note the long jacket to cover the too-wide hips. We women have our devices.

During that year in grad school I lived with Lois, an old high school roommate from my Singapore days. Lois tried to be helpful in my focus on getting my weight down, and I appreciated that in varying degrees. It can be pretty tough when your best friend takes you on as a project. I recall one time when we came back from church and decided to make hot dogs for lunch.

"How many hot dogs do you want?" Lois asked, getting the fry pan ready to brown them.

"Three," I said.

"THREE???!" she practically shouted, in horror.

We laughed, and I downsized my order of hot dogs to two, but I was also embarrassed and irritated. It's not a great feeling to be told off for your food choices, especially in that very moment when you want some particular food, and you want a substantial portion of it.

Doing filing in the Administration and Leadership department

That year I worked as a graduate assistant at the university a 35-minute drive from the place where Lois and I were house-sitting for her parents, who were in South America. My favorite place to go for lunches was the little burger joint down at Five Corners, about a mile from the university. Their veggie-burger was big and delicious with mayonnaise aplenty to smooth its travel to the tummy. And the tummy was where it settled, indeed.

Fixing the cap for my fellow grad assistant, Joanne, before we marched.

And so I graduated with my masters degree at the age of 25. I was headed for a teaching job in a suburb of Los Angeles, having gotten the offer from a principal with whom I'd done my internship and whose style I admired. I wanted to learn more from working with him. 

At this point I was more focused on the future and where doors were opening for me, than on my fatness or thinness. Again, I realize that the "fat girl" image was always with me, but it didn't consume my thoughts. Life did. And that was a healthy thing. 

There has always been more to life than my body; I've realized recently that my priority has typically been more on brain work than on body work. And for the most part, that has not been a bad thing.

[to be continued]