An Ode to... Toilets

Well.  What do you know? There's a World Toilet Day sponsored by the World Toilet Association, and it's today, November 19.  This post, then, is written in high humor to celebrate.

One of the first toilets I used in my life would have been the "squat pot" in Thailand. A squat pot can be a very hygienic way to go to the bathroom, because you don't sit on anything. It also maximizes the force of gravity on your digestive system, something that at least Asians have known for a long time to be very useful. I leave the mechanics of that to your intuition.

The one drawback of a squat pot is that some people don't know how to diversify their toilet skills. I learned the dangers of this as a young child. My amahs had taught me to squat, Thai style, and I transferred that skill to a western-style toilet. The problem was, my parents one time heard a wail and ran into the bathroom to find that I (at a younger age than that pictured) had slipped and fallen in. I will be merciful to myself and not post a photo, although I assure you they took one, once they quit laughing so hard that the camera shook.

Apparently others have had trouble making the transition as well.  Someone eventually gave up trying to train people, and designed a toilet that could work both ways--squatting or sitting.  I think it looks dangerous. It can be ordered with a traditional toilet seat that flips down when you don't wish to squat.

Apparently training is generally needed in places where people are unsure, and for that, those crafty Japanese people have added signs that tell the story no matter what language you read:

Don't EVEN ask me to explain some of those.

Speaking of the Japanese, Husband and I spent our first Christmas, after getting married, in Japan, having taken his younger two offspring with us to visit the oldest one, who was teaching English there for a year. One of our fascinations in Japan was with the toilets, which really ought to be exported more widely. The one in Older Daughter's house had controls for heating the toilet seat, washing your bum, drying your bum, playing a tune (if I remember correctly), and a few other fancies.  In addition, the top of the tank at the back was actually a little sink so that you could wash your hands right there when you were done.  How convenient.

Here's another look at how fancy the Japanese can get. It really is a wondrous thing.

Let me continue this ode--or was that a comm-ode?--with a few examples of international design, some of which might be--ahem--over the top.  Here's a nice stylish Indian toilet, fit for a rajah:

And here's a nice one with art that looks particularly like imported flowerpots from central America:

Pretty busy-looking, eh?

If you really want "busy"...and expensive, you might consider this one:

They say diamonds are a girl's best friend, but I really, really don't think I could accomplish a thing on this $75,000 masterpiece. All I would be able to do is stand there, look at it, and ask, "WHY????"

Another "why?" design would be this gold-plated version found in Moscow, reputed to cost 250,000 euros.

I find myself speechless, except that two phrases cross my mind: "Russian mafia" and "starving children."  I leave the rest with you.

To wrap it up, I observe that there are few places we go to frequently, all of us, in any given 24-hour period. Toilets are one of those must-goes, for all but the most back-to-nature ones of us. Seems to me they're worth and ode or two.

And if you got that pun without reading further, we might want to investigate if you're a long-lost relative on Husband's side of the family. Just sayin'!

And that, folks, is my ode to toilets for World Toilet Day. Enjoy.