No Les, No More

Some years ago my husband and I wandered through the graveyard in Tombstone, Arizona and had a good chuckle over some of the clever epitaphs there. In addition to the one pictured above, there are others such as  "Margarita: Stabbed by Gold Dollar," and "Marshall White: Shot by Curly Bill." Tombstone was, as we know, a rough town.

I'm always interested in what people choose either to say on their own tombstones, should they plan ahead, or what they say on the tombstones of their relatives or friends. On occasion it has crossed my mind to wonder what I would want written at my place of burial or inurnment, whichever it might be. Do I want anything written at all there, besides a name? Do I want even that much left around to record my short trip on this terra firma? Is it all that important to leave a name and a statement somewhere?

A chap named Lance Hardie takes credit for having launched "Plan Your Epitaph Day," which, non-coincidentally, is November 2. According to the website I visited, Hardie is writing a book to be titled How to Write Your Own Epitaph--and Live Long Enough to Enjoy It. Sounds to me like a potential best-seller. The website claims to be "dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death." And there's more kick-the-bucket humor should you want to go peruse the website.

Seriously, though, is it useful to consider what people might say or think about you once you're gone? My answer is, "It depends." Quite frankly, there are some people who have crossed my path that probably would create an epitaph about as unflattering of me as I would create of them. If you live long enough, make enough mistakes or stand your ground in face of enough people who disagree with you ... or disagree with someone else who is being bull-headed and standing their ground... you have to admit that these dynamics happen. I don't think it's useful to care about "epitaphs" devised by those folk. On the other hand, I think it's quite enlightening, or at least telling, to imagine what your family or friends would say or think of you when all is said and done.

For example, there are a number of epitaphs that my students might write about me. But for the most part, I'd hope for them to think first of something along the lines of, "She blessed my life," or "She inspired me to worthy things" or even better yet, "She made me want to know God." Wow. I don't think I match up to that last one yet.

What would your children say about you? "She loved well," to use a phrase from my friend Melanee? That would be wonderful! "He worked hard," wouldn't be too great as the most obvious summative statement. "He was kind" would be a happier tribute. "She would do anything for her children," actually doesn't reassure me.  There are some things one shouldn't do for one's children, even if they beg.  "She walked in grace," on the other hand, would make me want to know you.

Thinking about epitaphs can remind us of the themes that are taking over our lives, sometimes unexpected. Lots of little choices combine to produce themes that we might not have planned on. Hard work. Grumpiness. Absence. Criticism. Selfishness. Bossiness. Manipulative behaviors. Whining. Rigidity of perspective.

Perhaps it's not such a bad idea, after all, to stop and reflect on one's epitaph before it's too late. It's a nice idea that you could actually still make choices that would affect the impressions you leave behind, the first thoughts that come to mind when people think of you. So...Happy Plan-Your-Epitaph-Day, folks.