The Art of Reflection

A Pensive Moment, by Daniel Ridgeway Knight, found here.

Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: "Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times." And he broke down and wept.  ~Mark 14:72

One of the most helpful strategies we can employ in enhancing our lives is reflection.

I wrestled with that word, "reflection," thinking that maybe I should use the word "introspection."  But no, what I mean is the ability to look back over how events or relationships have gone, and to consider honestly what we could have done to help them turn out better.

As a teacher educator, this has been a technique I've tried to instill in my students and faculty.  How did that go for you?  Were you happy with how it turned out?  What might have helped it to go better?  Why do you think so-and-so reacted in the way they did?  If you had responded differently, would the outcome have been different? Could you arrange the context surrounding the event or relationship to provide a better outcome? What about the words you used? What could you have said differently? What solutions did you see in that situation? Can you think of any other approaches, now that you have time to sit and reflect on it, that would have given you better/more options? When something worked out exceptionally well, what do you think caused that to happen?  Is it something you could use in experiencing success again?  Could you use it in a different context?

Reflective teachers are the best teachers, because reflection is one of the best ways we teach ourselves. It's a way in which we can get better and better at what we do. Reflection, whether used alone or in journaling, or in discussion with someone else, can produce those "Aha" moments where real learning happens.  It gives us the tools to change our future. Reflection delivers better options for our lives, no matter how old we get. Change is never impossible. Seeing something in a different light or trying something new is always a possibility, as long as there is still life and breath in us.

Unfortunately, there are some well-meaning folk who manage to come between us and the valuable lessons learned through reflection.  I was once in the company of an older woman who was reflecting on her life. She was in deep discouragement, and as she reflected, she nailed her behavioral failures. And she was grieving where she now was. I was not in a position to respond, so I held my breath, wondering if this would be her "Aha" moment, the one where she would take that clear-eyed discouragement and turn it around to inform what she did from then on. It was not to be. I watched several of her friends and family jump in and say, "It's not so!" and reassure her in ways that led her away from the insights she had been on the edge of gaining. They allowed their need to assuage her discouragement to place them squarely in the position of blocking the benefits of her reflections.

Peter broke down and wept as he recognized that he had disowned his dear friend, his teacher, his Lord. He was fortunate in that no one intervened in his reflections ... at least to our knowledge.  No one stepped in and said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't that bad. Jesus will understand."  His sudden, clear view of himself in those hours of reflection led him to weep in utter discouragement, and then to work through that life-changing experience to a more powerful, unselfish and insightful way of life.

Would that we all had the courage to reflect honestly, no matter how painful, to see the many ways in which our lives can be lived better, and to allow our friends the same luxury. Reflective moments can become redeeming ones.