The Power of a Request

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" John 4:7

Have you ever thought about the power of a request?

Jesus was resting by the well of Sychar when the Samaritan woman came to draw water. She was down by two. First of all, she was a woman. Second, she was Samaritan, and therefore had less status than he did. As someone who would normally find a Jewish man silent and aloof, she was startled by his request for water. It was that request that opened conversation, created relationship, and led her to discover Living Water.

I often have an inner reticence to approach people. It doesn't show up on the surface. But for a variety of factors (one corner of my brain, I suppose, is introverted and takes control of me), I find myself wanting the other person to say hello, start up the conversation, and show interest. I want to be assured that I'm valuable enough to be sought out.

The problem is this: in all our social circles, from family to work to church, there is a quiet social status that affects our interactions. Some people have more power than others. And some people are perceived by us to have more power in certain circumstances than we do. Since they seem to have it all together--or perhaps because we jump to conclusions and attribute various attitudes (disinterest, dislike) or stances (pride, superiority) to them--we wait for them to make the first move.

The ironic part is that they may be viewing us in exactly the same way.

So we pass by one another without significant comment, making assumptions about the balance of power in our worlds, missing the opportunity to build bridges, create relationship, or change one another's lives for the better.

I had an experience like that recently. I was in the company of someone who seems to be poised and self-contained. For a variety of reasons, I always feel a bit off-kilter around her, perhaps because she isn't quite as transparent. So instead of reaching out and interacting, I tend to watch and listen, waiting for her to invite me into her world. When that happens, I am cheered and energized.

I think we all know people to whom we react like that.

It was only later that I picked up more information and realized, with some mix of chagrin and amusement, that she saw me as having significantly more social power. All I had to do was reach out, make a request, ask for help, and she would have felt noticed, validated, and invited into my world. The closed expression I saw on her face was not a function of poise or of her standing in judgment of me; it was loneliness. It was her sense of being on the outside looking in.

What silly people we are!

This is a reminder to never assume that you're in the "underdog" position of social status. You're not necessarily the person who's "down by two." (Or, as my friend Cindy would say, "It's not all about you.")

It's better to start with the assumption that you stand in the place of Jesus, who has asked you to be his hands and feet and heart in this world no matter how powerful or intimidating the other person may seem. The story of the Samaritan woman is also a reminder that reaching out and making a request of another human being is one of the most effective ways to bridge a divide, create relationship, enrich one another's lives, and perhaps even bring us each to a place where find Living Water.