Pain and Suffering

Stormy evening light in our valleyThere's a concept that I don't understand, a concept which the legal world--or maybe it's just this society--seems to assume is correct. It's the concept of monetary compensation for pain and suffering.

What I don't understand are these things: What makes us think that the fact that we exist gives us the right to a pain-free life? How can we accurately determine the value of the suffering that is caused by pain in our lives? And how did we come to the conclusion that money will compensate us for suffering?

There is something very illogical and unrealistic about all these concepts, in my opinion.

I have a friend who lost his wife in an incident. He got a rather nice sum of money in connection with this loss, and he went out and bought a sports car with it. He told me, "I'm enjoying the car, and it was fun to drive it around for a while. But I'm still going home to a house where she's gone, where I still can't sleep at night for missing her, and where I still feel horribly lonely." The money--and the car--did nothing to compensate for his suffering.

Someone else I know lost his job, unfairly in his opinion. He got himself a lawyer to write a nasty, threatening letter demanding that his employer to settle for a sum of money. His employer's lawyer negotiated with his lawyer (Guess who the won? The lawyers, of course.), and they found a place of agreement so that the issue wouldn't go to court. So now the guy gets some placation money--what's left after his lawyer takes a good chunk of it--and ... then what? Does that money change history? Does it erase the hurt memories? Does it make things fair again?

From time to time I receive a comment from someone or other to the effect of, "You're not paid enough for the stress you have to bear in your job." I always consider that rather odd. Are you implying that if I were paid more, the stress would lessen? That's dumb. Or are you saying that working in a stressful job means I deserve more pay? Why? I chose to do this, and I could choose to walk away at any time. Furthermore, "stress" is the way we react to our circumstances, so if I choose to react in peaceful ways and not let the problems of my job bother me, should I get paid less? See? It makes no sense.

There is no monetary compensation for pain and suffering.

The truth is, even if we didn't ask for it, the very fact that someone birthed us into this world--through pain and suffering, by the way--sets us up for guaranteed pain and suffering. We will experience pain and we will suffer. The only question that remains is what kind, and how much? There's nothing fair about it, no way to predict it. Despite what some people believe, the palms of your hands and the layout of tea leaves at the bottom of your teacup don't reveal what it will be, either.

But it's guaranteed. It can't be prevented or bribed to go away.

That's why it matters not what happens to you and me. What really matters is how we choose to respond to it. Character shows up most clearly in times of pain and suffering. Character can be forged in the fires of pain and suffering, if you take the high road. One thing I'm quite sure of: character is not likely to be refined in times of suffering if we think that money will compensate us for the experience.