Food Champions

Today I ate at this fine establishment for lunch. Behind the counter, I encountered "Tim." He had an eager young face, was wearing the requisite black polo shirt and black baseball cap, and his name tag noted his name and his title: "Food Champion."

Food Champion?

When in doubt, I head for the dictionary. Merriam-Webster online did not disappoint. Here are the four meanings for "champion," annotated by me as I imagine the pronouncements engendered by Tim's job description:

1. Warrior, fighter

"Unsheath your churro, dread enemy! ¡Guárdese! [Translation: En garde!] I shall fight to the death!"

2. A militant advocate or defender

"Don't you dare threaten our veggie burrito with that ground beef patty. I'll pelt you with fiesta potatoes and mix Fire border sauce in your ketchup."

3. One that does battle for another's rights or honor

"You insulted our crunchwrap? Grovel and apologize, or I'll pour nacho cheese sauce in your book bag right before your open-book test."

4. A winner of first prize or first place in competition; one who shows marked superiority

"So, Yeah! Our burritos outsell the Big M any day. Billions and billions served. Dude. What of it? Our yappy pup's takin' over the world; just you wait."

It's a really nasty, mean world out there. In a world like this, you've gotta have food champions. Yay! Go Tim!